


Not Far to Fall from the Ground

by Comicfan



Category: Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics)
Genre: Gen, Running Away
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-11
Updated: 2018-04-11
Packaged: 2019-04-20 12:20:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14260836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Comicfan/pseuds/Comicfan
Summary: "Let me guess, you ran away and joined the circus 'cause you believed the line they feed every ten-year-old boy--that it's all magic and sawdust and unicorn poop where all things are possible." - Jason Todd, Red Hood and the Outlaws #9 Volume 1.After a night at the circus Crime Alley feels even more unbearable. More than anything Jason wishes he could run off to join the big top.





	Not Far to Fall from the Ground

**Author's Note:**

> It seems more likely that Jason was referring to himself in that quote, doesn't it? Although he'd probably be younger in the annual flashback I could totally see this happening.

Jason wanted to be happy, to be free. Just like that older boy at the circus. The night they came home from the performance Jason dreamed of soaring high and having the security of knowing his family would catch each other before they fell. In the morning the apartment seemed bleaker than it previously had. There were no bright colors, no impressive feats, no joy to be found.

Except in the flyers of Haly's circus Jason found in alleyway when his dad was meeting a "friend" and Jason was half hoping to find something among the trash. Whether it be food (not likely since everyone in crime alley was starving) or maybe a toy (a luxury item.) Still wishfully thinking was the only hope he had.

The Flying Graysons stood out and Jason wondered if they were really that happy. They could have been faking it for the cameras but Jason wanted it to be real. He supposed he should have been jealous of the other boy. A little bit envious maybe, not jealousy. 

Having that sort of life was hard to imagine. People **_liked_** the Grayson kid, they cheered him on and he obviously loved the attention. His parents seemed to want him around while Jason's...

Taking out the flyer at the top of the pile that hadn't been strained Jason sat with his back against the wall. His dad would be busy for awhile and never liked it when Jason interrupted. Closing his eyes Jason tried to imagine **he** was the kid acrobat with parents like the Graysons. Maybe in another life, in this one Jason knew he'd never reach such heights. It was a great fantasy to think of.

_Maybe I could run away and join the circus._

The thought made Jason smile with a childish delight he rarely indulged in. 

_It's not like anyone would miss me. Mistakes aren't missed._

Jason knew his birth, his very existence, was seen as a burden. Maybe his parents would do better if he wasn't around anymore? They could save more money at any rate and have enough to eat. His dad was already mad at him for looking in his duffle bag. Anything that was considered Willis Todd's was off limits. Jason was forbidden to go into his things but it wasn't uncommon for his dad to bring snacks home in the bag. He had been so hungry and his dad hadn't reacted well to his little hands searching around. 

Willis hadn't spoken to his son since then save for giving orders. Things like "be quiet" and "stay out of sight." Which Jason had no problem complying with after the duffle bag incident. If he left home his dad would never have to see him again. His thoughts turned to his mom as he tried to imagine her response.

_Mom might even stop hurting herself._

It seemed like such a perfect solution to him in that moment. With his parents rid of him it'd be possible for them to finally be content. Jason could sneak off to join the circus and see the world. And maybe, just maybe he could learn to fit in. The more he thought about it the more vivid his imagination got. Different types of performances played in his mind of himself as an acrobat, riding an elephant, even simple tasks like feeding the animals seemed like heaven.

_I could work for my keep._

There was a tv show Jason had seen where the circus was filled with con artists. They picked pockets and rigged games. That might make it a less magical place if true but it gave Jason hope that he could find a job easier.

_Dad showed me how to do a lot of things like that !_

Rolling up the flyer into his back pocket Jason snuck past his dad into the apartment complex. Inside their place his mom sat at the table in her own little world. She wasn't high enough to leave her in a drug induced stupor for days but she was too far gone to take note of her son. It always bothered Jason to see her like that. Sure the days with her passed out were scary but at least he could convince himself that she was just sick. Her silence and at times rejection while in her current state always made Jason feel even more unwanted. Still it was better than the times she acknowledged Jason with venomous words he'd never forget.

Knowing that Jason still showed her the flyer.

"Dad took me to the circus. I've been thinking...it'd be fun to live there."

His mom glazed gaze skimmed over the images. The colors seemed to hold her interest far more than he did.

"You'd like that, right?" Jason's voice broke when be asked half hoping she'd tell him that she wanted him to stay. It was a long shot that she'd even respond to him much less dispute things she had wanted when she had previously been high. "I--if I was g-gone and--and it was just dad and you?"

Catherine Todd smiled warmly breaking Jason's heart further when she answered verbally. "Just Willis and me...I miss that."

_That's what I wanted, right? To know it was okay to leave her, that I'd make them happy? It's not like I didn't already know this._

Wiping away his tears and sniffing in response Jason grabbed his backpack. There wasn't any food in the apartment to take with him but he could always steal what he needed along the way. There was no money meaning all he could take was clothes. In his defense he was a heartbroken child that was desperately clinging to a dream that could save them all. If Jason was to blame for everything wrong in his parents lives he could fix it by simply leaving. It made sense to him and Jason had convinced himself that was what his dad wanted to show him by taking him to the circus.

While it didn't seem likely that either of them would care Jason still felt obligated to write them a letter to explain why he was leaving. He didn't think they'd care to know where he was going so he didn't say. Jason said goodbye and wished them the best letting them know he was doing it for them.

Once he was few blocks always Jason took some supplies from a store without being noticed. He ruefully thought there was something positive about being so easily overlooked. Far way from the store Jason looked at his valuables. It wasn't much but he hadn't wanted to draw attention to himself. A bag of chips, a refrigerated sandwich someone else had dismissed at the register, a bottled soda, toothpaste and a toothbrush. The walk to the lot of Haly's circus was uneventful outside the rush of thoughts in Jason's head. Other than his dad showing him how to survive Jason never had a job before and was starting to wonder who he'd ask. The ringleader guy? Haly?

It wasn't open yet which meant he had time to find someone. When he arrived it was a simple matter to avoid detection to search for the right person. He heard "Haly" and spotted a slightly distressed looking man talking to men in suits. Their conversation was impossible to overhear from his position and the noise going on around him. Instinct told Jason to stay out of sight around them. While they spoke Jason took note of what they were wearing. He spotted a broach and tie clip with owls.

_Dad said not to mess with guys with owls._

From what little he was told Jason knew these men were rich and not to be trifled with. Some had said Willis was overly cautious or believed in fairytales. All his dad had told him was that there were wealthy men that worn owls that needed to be avoided. That meant not taking their wallets despite them being rich as the results weren't worth it. The way his father had said to keep out of their sight made Jason certain it'd be best to follow his advise.

Not knowing how long the meeting would last Jason went out of the tent to keep himself busy while he waited. The lot Haly used was empty most of the year and used for special events or rented out. As far as Jason knew the circus had always used it when they arrived in Gotham. The nearest building to the main tent had a red brick wall that Jason occupied himself with by idly running towards and kicking off of it. Each time he attempted it he went higher and twisted his body into a flip. He landed on his feet every time. It wasn't much in the ways of tricks but it had saved him plenty of times in alleys when the bigger kids tried to beat him up.

It was as near to flying as Jason could ever get. There was little flash to the move, it was more practical to execute the right moves fast enough to get the job done. It usually caught his "audience" by surprise yet there were no cheers. Curses, shocked exclamations and threats of violence followed instead of clapping. Jason lived in a different world than the circus where being good enough didn't give you popularity it meant survival. As young as Jason was he knew survival wasn't enough, not for him. There had to be more to his life than living to see another day. What else there could be for him...Jason wasn't certain. He was born into a life without assurances and probably wouldn't know what to do if things did change for the better.

Thinking about the Graysons made Jason suddenly unsure what he could say to get a job. He could talk his way out of trouble--sometimes--but he wouldn't know how to directly ask for a spot on the crew. Communication with people varied and Jason didn't always know how to deal with attention. He had rarely been the focus of positive attention making him more prone to try to blend into his surroundings. It struck him painfully hard that he had nothing to offer in the ways of a performance. Jason--nor anyone really--had never seen himself as particularly special. Quite the opposite in fact but he desperately wanted this to work out.

_I guess I could clean up after the animals._

It wasn't as glamorous as being a star but it seemed more realistic.

_I can do whatever they want me to, I have to otherwise I'll be out on the street again._

Life was hard on the street but Jason knew how to get by. It was usually just him anyway. He'd take care of himself while his parents were away or neglectful. When they were in unfit states Jason would take of them too. With his mom's drug induced stupors and his dad's occasional drunkenness.

"That's impressive." 

The voice interrupted Jason's train of thought, if he had been in the middle of his wall flip it could have ended badly. At first he assumed he just overheard someone in the crew talking to one of their friends. A glance behind proved that theory wrong and Jason was startled to see a lady approaching him. She didn't look like a performer in jeans and a t-shirt. Something about her was familiar he just couldn't place where yet. Realizing she had been talking to _him_ Jason froze unsure what to say. He wasn't used to praise and his first instinct was to question it.

Was she being sarcastic or sincere? In the end Jason settled on responding with a neutral "thanks." That way he didn't come off too eager and had the air of someone that didn't care what others thought of him.

"That takes some skill and a lot of training to pull off. You must have been doing that for awhile." The stranger commented with a bright smile.

If a guy had approached Jason in such a manner his fight or flight instincts would kick in. Women could be deceptive but Jason trusted them more than his own gender. It was like his dad always said, "Trust no one especially men. Their not usually nice to kids." The implications Willis had alluded to made certain Jason would take his advise.

"I guess so." Jason replied in what he hoped was a causal voice. He didn't know what she wanted yet and suddenly felt oddly shy.

Her eyes fell on his backpack before darting up again, her infectious grin never faltered even if her eyes briefly showed concerned.

"Are you here to try out?"

"I...maybe. I don't know what I can try out for." Neither of his parents had worked conventional jobs and Jason didn't know how someone applied for one.

"Well we can discuss that unless you have somewhere else you should be." The woman seemed to be prompting him to admit he belonged elsewhere. 

"Nope." Jason denied with his best poker face. It wasn't lie in the strictest sense, according to his parents' many fights he never should have been round in the first place. "I need to explore my career option."

He hoped that sounded more professional, it was something he heard on tv ads. The lady's eyes sparkled with mirth and her mouth twitched at the corners. 

"Of course. It's a tough market."

"Oh yeah. Especially for benefits packages." Idly he wondered if he was laying it on too thick.

"That it is. Why don't we sit down to discuss this inside? By the way I'm Mary." The woman--Mary--extended her hand.

Even as Jason cautiously shook her hand his mind replayed all of those con artists things he saw on the crime show. If that was true it meant they could read "tells" like his dad could. Jason wasn't going to give out his real name but he didn't think he could hide any "tells" either. In the last moment he compromised by not technically lying.

"Peter."

**Author's Note:**

> Jason commented about the Owls being rich folks during the Court of Owls which seemed weird to me. How did he know that? I like to think Willis knows a good deal but is vague given his son's age and the Court being dangerous.


End file.
